But the biggest source of time consuming shitness has to be MSN news. It’s so bad it’s good in my opinion. Take this article for instance: 10 best places to meet Women According to MSN Men.
Apparently all female folk these days have cottoned on to the fact that men want sex, especially when they’re in bars and clubs. Suffice to say, being the cunning little strumpets that women are, they’ve upped their game and started playing hard to get leaving MSN men stuck between a rock and a hard-on.
The solution? Get better chat? No, of course not, no. The solution is to find better places to meet women. That’s the only logical solution for MSN men! Here’s but a sample of places you’ll likely find your average MSN man cruising for women at their unawares:
The park
'You need a dog to do this or you're just another stalker. Fido's a great ice-breaker, providing he isn't a rottweiler, and remember what they say about owners and their pets. If she's got a yappy little chihuahua living in her It Bag she might not be quite the girl you're after.'
Sound advice MSN men; don’t want to look like a stalker now do we? I suppose if she has a butch bulldog as well then she’s probably a raving, MSN man hating, dyke - best avoid them too.
Become a volunteer
‘It's not everyone's bag, but charity or community volunteering is a great way to bring like-minded souls together. It also offers new ways to interact with others in a different kind of environment, plus everyone gets a buzz from doing something selfless and genuinely worthwhile. Furthermore, some women for some strange reason feel that many men are selfish and mercenary, so this is an automatic way of disproving your membership of that particular club.’
Nothing says caring, thoughtful and selfless like pretending to care about the homeless in order to score. Where do these silly women get this notion that all MSN men 'are selfish and mercenary'? Sure you’re dishing out soup to vagrants and other people who you would rather spit on, but you might bag a cute hippy chick with a piercing! And if that fails you could always try exchanging food for sex with the cleanest looking female-hobo: she’d be grateful for the central heating in your bachelor pad. Was Pretty Woman depredating? No, so neither is this.
Bookshop or record store
‘If it looks like she's into your kind of thing, it might be worth breaking the ice by asking if she can recommend anything. Many of the big chains - and museums - have coffee shops in the basement too, the perfect place to go once if it looks like it might be a goer.'If you spot a woman by the self help section, prey on their insecurities make their weakness your biggest gain. If for instance they’re perusing ‘how to be assertive’ section that means they’re push overs and need you (an assertive MSN male) to go in and dominate them like an baboon in heat. Better yet, if they’re in the chick lit section that means their sluttish, do a couple of laps round their but try not look like your loitering because woman don’t like stalkers as we’ve already covered.
DIY store or supermarket
‘It's a cliché, but like all clichés there's something in it. Shopping's something we all do, you don't have to concentrate so it's easy (and natural) to strike up a conversation, and guessing someone's personality from the contents of their trolley is the sort of amateur psychology we can all understand.’This is perfect! As an MSN man it’s your duty to go to women in Homebase with a two by four and ask ‘what do you think of my wood?’ women love innuendo. If they don’t react well or call for security, relax: its Homebase, security will be a retired pensioner and we all know they’re no threat.
Well lets hope that MSN men find this trash useful because apparently they need all the help they can get. Is it any wonder women think guys are creeps if this is the kind of 'guidance' we're fed?
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